I often tell people that I *am* Christmas. No one ever really believes me, but it's true. Ever since I was a small child, you could easily find me singing "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" in July. As soon as Black Friday hits, I go into a decorating frenzy that would make Martha Stewart look like she needed a remedial course in home embellishment. My house, from the end of November until January 6th (and not a DAY before) looks like the North Pole threw up.

When I was a kid, I was threatened within an inch of my presents that I had to be good, otherwise Santa Claus would leave a lump of coal in my stocking. I wish he'd leave me a lump of coal now... I'd shove it up my mother-in-law's ass and have a diamond in two weeks! But I digress.

Recently, I saw a recipe for "Coal Cookies" in a Christmas baking catalog. Not only was it not vegan, it also looked incomplete. On top of that, the recipe required that the baker actually manhandle EVERY one of the cookies to mash them into misshapen balls to resemble lumps of coal. Um, no. Just, no. I wouldn't want to eat a cookie that *I* massaged, let alone one that someone else had. That was absolutely out of the question.

These look enough like coal to me, and they are perfect to leave out for Santa Claus with some soymilk and some carrots for the reindeer!

I hope my testers have a field day with these!